If this is your first year testing out custody agreement after your divorce , the 4th of July is a great opportunity for self-evaluation. A major holiday like this can let you know how well you are adjusting to the new dynamic and if the agreement is working for you.

Here are four things to consider as you review your 4th of July:

1) Were the only fireworks your child saw in the sky?

The Fourth is great for watching fireworks light the night sky with friends and family. However, emotional fireworks are a different story. Consider if you were able to keep your emotions in check when you dropped off/picked up your child from your former spouse. Keeping cool in this situation will help your child as he/she adjusts to the new situation.

2) Did you assert your independence?

If you are the parent without the child during this holiday, it can be hard to think about anything else or enjoy yourself. But if you are able to find even a little peace or enjoyment during the day, then the transitions will become easier with time.

3) Who did the grilling?

Grilling steak, burgers, and veggies — Good! Grilling your child for details about your ex-spouses life –Bad. Consider how many time you asked you child what his mother or father has been doing in their personal life. Remember, your child is not a witness or a spy and putting then in that position will just make the transition more difficult in the long run.

4) Did you take liberties with your agreement?

The 4th of July is about liberty for the country not taking unilateral liberties with your agreement. Consider if you stuck to the plan as created or if you manipulated some of the details to get what you wanted. It is fine to swap days and suggest certain minor changes to the plan. However, each time a decision is changed last minute by you, it gives your former spouse the same privilege in the future.