The biggest difference between a divorce mediator and a divorce lawyer is the mindset in which they approach their clients. As you can see from this open letter from a divorce lawyer, originally posted on www.divorceinfo.com, a lawyers goals and motivations may differ dramatically from those of his/her clients.

I am pleased that you have hired me to represent you in your divorce. I’m pleased because I need the money you and others like you pay me. I’m tired of working with people like you who are always fighting and never happy, and often unhappy with me, but I feel trapped now and don’t know how I could change my practice at this point in my career without a huge financial setback, so I hang on and do the best job I can, the best way I know, for clients like you.

If you’re like most people going through divorce, you’ve heard a chorus of voices — from your mother to your neighbor to the person who cuts your hair — warning that you better get a mean “junkyard dog” lawyer. I don’t like being a junkyard dog lawyer, and I don’t think it would be in your best interest for me to be, but I have to give you the impression early on that I am so you will hire me. I don’t like doing it, but you demand it, so I do it.

That means that when we met in our first consultation, I talked about how experienced I am. I gave you an optimistic assessment of what you would give up and what you would get working with me. If your spouse had come the same day instead of you and presented the very same facts, I would have given your spouse an equally optimistic assessment from their perspective. I learned long ago not to lose any sleep about doing this. You demand it, and I’m going to give it to you so you will hire me.

Click here to read the entire letter.

Of course, this letter does not represent the views of every divorce lawyer, but it does reflect the fundamental problems with traditional litigation. First, the clients need “stick it to” their ex, creates costly inefficiencies that only seems to benefit the lawyer’s pockets. Second, the excessive costs of litigation leaves divorce lawyers rightfully paranoid that clients won’t pay, so they are induced to act in a manner that may not be in keeping with the clients best interests.

In contrast, the low cost and collaborative nature of mediation ensures the mediator’s interest are aligned with that of the clients. Mediators encourage the sharing of ideas between the two parties which eliminates some of the key inefficiencies that plague divorce litigation. Moreover, because the cost of mediation is reasonable, mediators don’t feel compelled to put money first and the client’s interests second.

While divorce lawyers and divorce mediators are both tasked with ending a marriage, it is how they go about achieving the goal that makes all the difference.