In the latest installment of the Peace Talks VideoCast, Diana Mercer, Esq. gives an overview of divorce mediation, the sane and sensible alternative to an expensive, litigated divorce.

With Easter days away and the summer break just down the road, it is time to think about your kids and their holiday schedules. If you are just recently divorced, and have not had a big holiday to test your custody agreement, it can be helpful to prepare yourself both physically and emotionally for the upcoming event.

If you are the parent sending the child off, preparing physically includes packing bags and making sure they have their figurative security blanket, e.g. a favorite toy, a stuffed animal, or their iPod. Preparation does not include giving them notes, bills, or paperwork to pass on to your ex-spouse. Turning your child into the messenger can put them in an awkward situation and make them the target for any frustration stemming from those documents.

If you are the receiving parent, make your home welcoming. Try to have one of your child’s favorite foods in the refrigerator and make their sleeping arrangement as comfortable as possible. While it may be tempting to probe your children about your ex-spouses personal life, they are not spies-in-training and should never be used as such.

Preparing emotionally is important as well. Try and stay busy while your child is away. If you dwell too much on missing them, you could end up in a lasting funk. Consider meeting up with friends or other family. Also, avoid laying a guilt trip on your child for wanting to see their other parent. A guilt trip may yield the result you want in the short term (getting your child to stay), but the long-term effects could be much worse (resentment, anger, issues with you ex-spouse).

Again, as the receiving parent, it is also important to manage your emotions. Don’t expect your children it instantly feel comfortable. It may take a little time for them to adjust. Additionally, be prepared for your child to feel a little homesick for their “main” home. Try not to take it too personally and encourage them to share their concerns.

If you find that, even after preparation and a couple of tries, your custody agreement still doesn’t seem to be the best fit for your kids, you may want to consider revising the agreement via mediation. In custody mediation, you and your ex will get together to openly discuss the kinks and problems in your agreement and modify it accordingly.

In the latest Peace Talks VideoCast, Diana Mercer, Esq. shares the history of Peace Talks.

When people think about the cause of their divorce, they often cite the last event before the decision to divorce was made or the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. But in truth, millions of straws were likely already straining the relationship, and the collapse was just a matter of time.

One of the benefits of bringing a relationship to a close via mediation is the opportunity to confront those underlying straws in a safe, secure setting. While resolving these aforementioned issues is not necessarily within the purview of the mediation session, bringing them to the forefront in an open conversation may give the clients the piece of mind necessary to move forward in the process.

This mean the separating couple would be more inclined to create a working divorce settlement rather than a one built on a foundation of frustration and spite.

New episode of the Peace Talks VideoCast. This episode focuses on the emotional and financial benefits of mediation.

One of the least discussed, but most damaging aspects of a divorce is its effect on work.
As one would expect, dealing with a major change in your home life can sometimes flood your work life. This flood of emotions and stress can lead to what has been dubbed “presenteeism.”

Presenteeism is business speak for being at work but not getting much work done. Often employers, bosses, or HR departments will understand or at least empathize with your situation and give you time to acclimate to your new lifestyle. However, as a business, their primary goal is to make money and low productivity is not something they encourage for any extended length of time.

A recent study by The Harvard Business Review estimates that presenteeism costs American Business $150 billion annually in direct and indirect costs. And with the economy in flux, any opportunity to trim the fat may bring extra attention to your presenteeism.

There are a couple of tips to keep your work life stable as your personal life changes.

1. Talk to your HR dept. or boss. Let them know you are dealing with a big life change, but you will do your best to keep the problems out of the workplace. This will let them know that you are not just slacking off, but also HR may be able to give you some guidance and advice to help ease the transition.
2. Consider Mediation. Because mediation provides the opportunity to work through both the legal and emotional aspects of divorce, it means you are less likely to drag those divorce-related emotions into the workplace with you. Further, mediation often produces results much faster compared to a contested litigation, meaning less time spent worrying about the divorce at work.

While none of these suggestions will truly turn the flood of emotions into a draught in your office, they can may transform the flood into a leak that can be patched with enough time.

Check out the first episode of our video podcast. This quick episode covers financial planning during the divorce process.

Divorce resolution alternatives like mediation have moved their way from the fray to the mainstream. Thanks in part to references in popular movies like Oscar-winning Juno and Wedding Crashers, as well as praise from happy participants, mediation is getting the coverage and recognition it deserves.

Check out this article form the Associated Press and this article from the American Bar Association about the emotional and financial benefits mediation has to offer.

Here is a snippet of the ABA article:

Cost may also be a motivating factor in the quest for a peaceful
resolution of a problem marriage: The Boston Law Collaborative, where
Hoffman works, recently analyzed 199 of its divorce cases. It found
that mediation had a median cost of $6,600, followed by $19,723 for
collaborative divorce, $26,830 for a divorce settlement negotiated by
counsel, and $77,746 for a litigated divorce.

For those of you addicted to social networking and new media, you can now check out your favorite mediators on Facebook and YouTube !!!

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For those of you who follow Peace Talks new (I know all of you do) we got a nod in this month’s issue of consumer reports.

From the Article “12 Money Mistakes That Can Cost You $1,000,000″

“When Peace Talks, a Los Angeles-Based mediation service, compared the costs of court-litigated and mediated divorce in that city, its estimates ran from $65,000 for a limited contested divorce to $250,000 for a complex full courtroom smackdown. Peace Talks says a low-conflict divorce can generally be mediated for 75% less than going to court.”

Consumer Reports February Article Clip

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