When you’re in a conflict, especially divorce-related one, it’s tempting to think that the other person is completely at fault, and that you are totally blameless.

However, no one is a complete angel all of the time.

Resolving conflict is not about assigning blame to the guilty party, but moving forward and learning a new way to deal with each other in the future.

Part of a separating couple’s ability to move on depends on their ability to recognize that it takes two to fight. When you understand your role in the conflict, you can start to avoid old behaviors that led you into the arguments of the past.

As a family law mediator, often the first agreement I help couple’s reach is that they need to try a new way of communicating and dealing with each other in the future.

But change is not easy, and doing things differently can sometimes feel risky. People are naturally resistant to change, but if we truly want to limit conflict in the future, it’s important to identify those behaviors that contributed to the conflicts of the past.