If you have kids or hang around child-like adults, you have probably heard someone scream out “shotgun” as they approach the car. This modern tradition allows the non-drivers to lay claim to the front passenger seat when there is the potential it will be contested by another. What is so intriguing about the game is that the competing parties rarely have a practical interest in acquiring the seat. The 5’4 person will still belt out “shotgun” even if the competitor for the seat is 6’5 and the car is a sub-compact. The goal is merely to have a victory.

This same desire to win, even when it’s impractical, can also creep its way into the divorce process and create unnecessary and damaging results. A spouse may lay claim to an item, even though they know it is something they have no interest in, just to feel victorious. This little victory may feel good, but it can be costly, figuratively and literally.

The win typically leads to tit for tat retaliation from the other soon-to-be ex-spouse. And in the end, the retaliation usually leads to unworkable divorce and custody agreements. Meanwhile, each party is spending more time (read: more money) with their lawyers to try and salvage the things they really wanted to begin with.

In divorce mediation, we try to eliminate the child-like competition and bring practicality back into the process. Couples in a mediation session are given the opportunity to openly discuss their interest in an item and work towards an agreement that ensures everyone can claim a victory.