Hi Jeff re: The Beautiful Quote from MacKenzie – A Tribute to Your “Friendship & Family”

The Beautiful Quote from MacKenzie – A Tribute to Your “Friendship & Family” - Peace-Talks Mediation Divorce - Jeff Bezos, Divorce, Family, Divorce MediationHi Jeff,

As a mediator in the often-acrimonious world of divorce-negotiations I was so floored by the quote below from you and Mackenzie that I had to write and thank her:

 Dear Mackenzie,
As a divorce mediator I would, on behalf of my colleagues, like to thank you for the brilliant encapsulation of the goals that we’d like all our couples to achieve. As a divorced mom I know that these are the things that my kids should never have doubts about for the rest of our lives together. This quote will be displayed in our office so that every couple walking in the door sees how high the bar is set and what we are committed to accomplishing with them.

Later on I realized that I should acknowledge your part in this “Mantra” for peaceful resolution and I’m going to display it in our office as I hope it will inspire others. This is a beautiful encapsulation of what every mediator tries to achieve with every family’s goals as we reach their final agreement and they are prepared for new beginnings.

Thanks to You & Mackenzie for the inspiration,

Stephanie Maloney
PeaceTalks Mediation

We want to make people aware of a development in our lives. As our family and close friends know, after a long period of loving exploration and trial separation, we have decided to divorce and continue our shared lives as friends. We feel incredibly lucky to have found each other and deeply grateful for every one of the years we have been married to each other. If we had known we would separate after 25 years, we would do it all again. We’ve had such a great life together as a married couple, and we also see wonderful futures ahead, as parents, friends, partners in ventures and projects, and as individuals in pursuing ventures and adventures. Though the labels might be different, we remain a family, and we remain cherished friends.

Jeff & MacKenzie Bezo

Letter To MacKenzie Bezos

To: MacKenzie Bezos
c/o The Los Angeles Times

Dear Mackenzie,

As a divorce mediator I would, on behalf of my colleagues, like to thank you for the brilliant encapsulation of the goals that we’d like all our couples to achieve. As a divorced mom I know that these are the things that my kids should never have doubts about for the rest of our lives together. The quote below will be displayed in our office so that every couple walking in the door sees how high the bar is set and what we are committed to accomplishing with them.

Gratefully Yours,

Stephanie M. Maloney
PeaceTalks Mediation

“We want to make people aware of a development in our lives. As our family and close friends know, after a long period of loving exploration and trial separation, we have decided to divorce and continue our shared lives as friends. We feel incredibly lucky to have found each other and deeply grateful for every one of the years we have been married to each other. If we had known we would separate after 25 years, we would do it all again. We’ve had such a great life together as a married couple, and we also see wonderful futures ahead, as parents, friends, partners in ventures and projects, and as individuals in pursuing ventures and adventures. Though the labels might be different, we remain a family, and we remain cherished friends.”

Giving and Saying Thanks

A fireman works to keep a home from catching fire, as the neighbor’s home burns.

Whether you are in or out of a divorce, the holidays are challenging enough without constant pictures of hellfire and smoky air in your eyes. It can be tough find time in order to target the most effective channel for giving help during a catastrophe and our fires are no exception. I’m passing along some very practical advice from an article in MarketWatch (Alessandra Malito) that focuses on feedback from the professionals, “on the ground”, after a few days of initial responses.

Darrell Steinberg, mayor of Sacramento, tweeted:

“Americans are rushing to donate supplies, food and clothes to help victims. But organizations including the American Red Cross and the Humane Society say victims need cash more than anything else.

We all want to help the victims of the #CampFire, but please don’t send supplies, as the evacuation centers say they have been inundated. Those working on the front lines say giving to the @RedCross or @Habitat_org is the best way to help” 

 “After a disaster hits, the American Red Cross witnesses the incredible generosity of people from across the country who want to help in any way they can with donations of items like clothes, shoes, food and household items, but the reality is, cash donations are best,” the Red Cross said in a statement.

In Southern California, where the Woolsey Fire has ravaged communities, the Humane Society of Ventura County said it was stocked with supplies, but will need more money for items like pet food. Actress Sandra Bullock donated $100,000 to HSVC, which is caring for cats, dogs, donkeys, pigs, horses, chickens, ducks and other pets displaced by the fire. (The organization will care for these animals until the owners can reunite with them, it said.)

If you have kids they’ll probably want to follow Sandra’s lead, as they look at thousands of frightened pets, think of their own, and want to give some thanks for being safe.

If you or someone you know is in dire straits trying to get divorce-related materials filed by December 31St call the PeaceTalks office and we’ll tell you if we know of any available resources that might be of immediate assistance.

Links to donate to  Red Cross and Habitat for Humanity

Early Thanksgiving on Election Day?

I’m encouraging everybody here at PeaceTalks and in our extended family and social circle to keep in touch on Election Day and into the night. If things go well it will be a rare chance for even divorced couples to “reach across the aisle” and show the kids what cooperation and unity of purpose can accomplish. If things go “south”then we get to experience that “misery loves company” thing.

After you’ve voted if you’d like to do something for the victims of the massacre at the Pittsburgh synagogue I’ve provided a link below along with a quote from the sponsors of the fund.

This is a brilliant example of the way that most people feel in this country and a perfect rebuke to the “fear mongering” coming from the White House. The fact that this gesture is coming from the Muslim communityproves that the spirit of this country is as alive as it always has been no matter what trumped up lies are conjured up to divide us. Let the kids see, learn and encourage one another to pay attention, vote and avoid complacency like the plague.

Muslim Groups Raise Thousands for Pittsburgh Synagogue Shooting Victims

 MUSLIMS: Let us stand with our Jewish cousins against this senseless, anti-Semitic murder. Guided by our faith, @CelebrateMercy & @MPower_Changeask you respond to evil with good. Donate here now to help shooting victims with funeral expenses and medical bills.

More Sleep, Less Screen for Kids

I don’t know how to get the kids more sleep but this letter certainly presents a solid case for making it a cooperative priority whenever physically possible.

This response to an LA Times editorial about adjusting school start times to favor the biorhythms of students made a strong case but will face enormous resistance from the establishment.

I’ve added a link to getting a library card as most health professionals suggest avoiding electronic screens for thirty minutes or so prior to sleeping.

Get your library card here

To the editor: Your editorial, “It’s too early to move all California middle and high schools to a later start,” ignored the overwhelming body of research showing the definitive benefits of more sleep for students — something researchers have known for more than 25 years, much of which has been reported in the Los Angeles Times dating back at least to 1997.

Furthermore, the editorial contradicts itself, stating, on one hand, that “better sleep for teenagers is associated with improved mood, higher academic achievement and reduced rates of drinking and drug use,” while also claiming the research does not make a convincing case for delaying California’s middle- and high-school start times.

Although we know from hundreds of different school districts that students and communities benefit when classes start at 8:30 a.m., adult interests have prevented most local districts from acting on this knowledge for a generation. That is why California’s SB 328 is a landmark piece of public health legislation. It empowers every district to start at times that align with the biological sleep shift in the adolescent brain, enabling all students across California’s socioeconomic divide to obtain more sleep and, as a result, stay in school, do better academically and live healthier, safer, more successful lives.

Amy R. Wolfson, Ph.D, Baltimore
Judith Owens, MD, Cambridge, Mass.
Rafael Pelayo, MD, Stanford, Calif.
Terra Ziporyn Snider, Ph.D, Severna Park, Md.

Wolfson is a professor of psychology at Loyola University Maryland, Owens is a professor of neurology and director of the Center for Pediatric Sleep Disorders at Harvard, Pelayo is a clinical professor at the Stanford Center for Sleep Science and Medicine, and Terra Ziporyn Snider is executive director of the group Start School Later.

Read full article here

Thanksgiving Briefer?

A lot of us will start booking planes, trains and medications in preparation for November 22 when we get reminded that we all were once, literally in the same boat(s), so to speak.

There have been a lot of stories about divided family gatherings back in November 2016 and now coming full circle to Thanksgiving 2018.

Of course given recent events there are reasons to believe that there will less vitriol from fewer people as most people now agree that the emperor has clothes but no clue. Still there will some differences of opinionand it will be to experience family disagreementwithout disengagement.

A friend sent me a piece from The Scientific American by Lydia Denworth that very nicely juxtaposes the atmosphere at the turkey dinnertable in 1976 with 2016. Maybe something in the piece will come in handy in avoiding discomfortor frustration before it really kicks into gear. In her words:

“Mixing family and politics has always been fraught. I know—my mother was a Democrat, my father a Republican. The night Jimmy Carter won the presidency, dad slept in the guest room. For the U.S., the bitter campaign that ushered in Pres. Donald Trump in 2016 was a lot like that of 1976 in my house. Many families were politically divided, and the calendar forced the issue: The cherished American holiday Thanksgiving came just days after the election.

Anecdotal reports suggest family feasts that year were less festive than usual, with many Americans struggling to sit across the table from relatives whom they knew had voted for a candidate they loathed. Now there is hard data showing political polarization caused quite a few people to skip the pie. A new study published this week in Science reveals families with mixed politics spent 20 to 50 minutes fewer at the table than politically like-minded groups.

Even the amount of the difference was partisan: Republicans left earlier than Democrats (some by more than an hour); Democrats were more likely not to go at all. The effect was three times stronger in areas with heavy political advertising. Overall, partisan differences cost Americans 73.6 million person-hours of family time that Thanksgiving, the study says.”

To read the full arycile click here

Family Disputes: Money Matters

Of all the issues that come up with co-parenting “families of divorce” none are as insidious or downright ugly as “matters of money”. Having attained status as a C.F.P. over the years, I witnessed some of the acrimony the author describes and she is, unfortunately, not exaggerating.

The end of the year will often be an important “plumb line” for decisions about finances and investment assets, in particular. So with the changes to Alimony Payments along with some other adjustments in the Tax Code there might be a few unpleasant surprises that warrant discussion and, as the author points out, a lawyer’s office may not facilitate thebest overall result. If you, or anyone you know, comes into a situation like this and help might be needed please contact me with your questions.

Here is the link to an article by Carolyn Rosenblatt in which she advises F.A.’s to consider a mediator if and when they come up against a real struggle.

What Can Advisors Do When Family Disputes Threaten Client Wealth?

Mediation can be an effective way to reach agreements.

Carolyn Rosenblatt | Aug 20, 2018 | Wealth Management

Sometimes it’s fighting between parents and the next generation. Sometimes it’s sibling conflictsthat have existed for many years. Unresolved family disputes can destroy successful intergenerational wealth transfer with or without a family business at stake. When you’re managing the money, it can feel like torture seeing your clients behave so destructively. Expensive lawsuits or standoffs that damage businesses the family is arguing aboutcan threaten the very work you’ve done over time. You’ve tried to preserve wealth and keep families on track. They can ruin your best efforts.

Mediation is one underutilized way to resolve conflicts. You may be able to help your clients by suggesting mediation and finding a good mediator.

It starts with the help of a trained and qualified mediator who understands conflict resolution principles as a professional. The purpose isn’t to change any individual’s personal traits; rather, it’s to see if the family can come to some rules of engagement on the path to reaching agreements on specific issues. Focus isn’t on who’s right or wrong. It’s on the tasks at hand. Reaching an agreement about division of authority can be a major step forward.

Based on my own experience over many years of being an advocate at mediation in lawsuits, I saw that most of the time, matters get settled by the mediation process.

Perhaps the greatest benefit of a family mediation is that the underlying emotions that typically drive the conflict can come to the surface in a neutral setting. The mediator guides the discussion and helps each party identify and clarify what they want, guiding them to their own solutions.  Generally, this isn’t something they can do on their own. They’re too caught up in resentment, anger, fear or other feelings.

Read the full article here

Rise Up for Roe Tour at the El Rey Theatre

I just got this message and wanted to pass it on as quickly as possible in case some people might want to join in on making some noise.

A woman’s right to safely and legally seek an abortion is under attack. 

Donald Trump made it very clear—far before Justice Kennedy stepped down—that his choice for the Supreme Court would come from a list of pre-approved candidates, all of whom would overturn the landmark decision in Roe v. Wade. And now that Brett Kavanaugh’s confirmation hearing is scheduled for September 4, there’s no time to waste to mobilize Americans of all walks who want to stop a nominee who would rule against reproductive rights.

Join us on Saturday in Los Angeles to get loud and rally with the Rise Up for Roe Tour at the El Rey Theatre.

We can’t go back. If Roe is overturned, abortions will not stop. They will simply go back to being unsafe, unregulated, and an option only to those with access to the money and transportation needed. Women will die, and every senator who didn’t do everything they could to stop Kavanaugh’s nomination will be to blame.

Ms. Nightingale Would Approve

The Florence Immigrant and Refugee Rights Project is the only organization in Arizona that provides free legal and social services to detained men, women, and children under threat of deportation.

This got my attention in connection with a story about the horrible backlog of separated families created by inept policies and procedures. It’s difficult to focus on how to help when there are so many unjust situations but I think this one deserves a spotlight. They don’t get a lot of attention and could certainly put to direct use any support from any source.

On any given day 5,000 immigrant men, women, and unaccompanied minors are detained in Arizona.

Detained immigrants facing deportation in the U.S. do not have the right to a public defender. Without representation, many will lose their case and get sent back to the conditions they are fleeing. To some, this is a death sentence.

firrp.org

You can use the link if you’d like to find out more.

FYI: Ms. Nightingale was indeed named for the city of her birth in Italy and felt she “had a calling from God” so she went to nurse soldiers in the Crimean War.

Here is a quote from Florence that pretty nicely sums up what people are facing at the border:

“How very little can be done under the spirit of fear.”