You Want an Uncontested Divorce….but how do you get there?
The concept of divorce mediation is relatively new, but recently it has been getting a lot more attention. Especially in Los Angeles, more and more people are starting to appreciate the benefits of an uncontested divorce. Collaborative divorce and other divorce alternatives, once considered fringe, are now coming into the mainstream.
Here’s a quick look at some advantages to divorce mediation:
It saves money.
Of course it does! Think of all those expensive attorney fees you’re a saving. In fact, in Los Angeles alone, the average price tag on a litigated divorce hovers around $50,000 per person!
It saves time.
Courts are so over-crowded, that some judges hear more than thirty cases per DAY! The entire process could take weeks if not months and in some cases, years.
Cooperative Co-parenting is the trend.
A very encouraging trend in divorce is cooperative co-parenting. It happens when both parents see a benefit in sharing custody of their children and being present for their development, even though they have separated.
Who needs enemies?
The basic premise here is that it’s much easier to be friends than enemies with your spouse. Uncontested and collaborative divorce helps to maintain a pleasant discord with your spouse, and alleviates unnecessary stress.
The trend of collaboration between divorcing parties is certainly a welcome trend. It signals a shift in values throughout society, not just among divorcing couples. We are committed to talking things out, and working out our issues rather than letting a third party coldly decide our fate and the fate of our families. We are starting to see that it’s much harder to fight than it is to get along. Not only does it sap us of energy, it comes at the expense of our careers, our lives and the health of our children.
There has been a great change in child custody trends over the years as well. Sharing custody is the rule not the exception. Both parents want to be involved in the upbringing of their children. I see this positive trend in my family mediation sessions: parents want to do right by their kids and make the best of a bad situation.
Making the decision to share custody is one thing, but what happens if you don’t get along? The good news is that you don’t have to be best friends to share custody. If you could use the positive karma of settling out of court in a collaborative divorce, it could be the difference in maintaining that positive relationship when it comes to sharing custody of your children.
Well, now your saying, of course, I want to settle out of court, but how do I do it?
It’s not a one step process. But at Peace Talks Mediation we try and make it as easy as possible. We’ll guide you through the process so that it is easiest on you and your family.
Filling out Paperwork is step one. You’ll find that hiring a mediator, attorney or paralegal will help you immensely. We are used to it and can help you make the process a breeze. There are also helpful kits and forms you can find online. Every divorce needs the same documents: Petition, Response and lastly Stipulated Judgment.
Next is the Negotiation Phase. This is where Mediation services can really help. We foster a cooperative environment where everyone can have their say. We won’t try and get everything done at once. In any mediation session it’s important to keep everyone on the same page. These are delicate issues, but they don’t have to be complicated. We’ll work with you to get the peace of mind you need.
Next comes the Disclosure of Financials. This is mandated by law. The state demands that you be accurate and thorough. Any over- or under- reporting can get you in deep water, fast. If you sign up for divorce mediation, we will provide you with the necessary paperwork to fill out. Remember, your spouse is entitled to see all of your financial records, and vice versa. In an uncontested divorce, cooperation, both with your spouse and with the law, is paramount.
Which brings us to the last phase: The Agreement. Assuming that you’ve negotiated with your spouse a settlement that you can both agree on, you’re in the home stretch. If you decided to negotiate on your own, without the help of a mediator or collaborative divorce attorney, you’ll still have to go out and get the divorce. Hiring a professional mediator will keep you out of court and give you the freedom to separate on your terms, saving you from the burden of unnecessary cost and stress.
Of course, these guidelines are just here to help you along the way. Divorce is tough. No one escapes the emotional toll. You probably never thought you’d be here. Especially if you have kids, it was something you never wanted to face. Having a support system to get you through it is just as important as having a good lawyer or mediator. Your friends, family, faith and any professional guidance you may seek, all play important roles. Be honest and forthright, stay confident, and before you know it, it’ll be over.