A Paradigm Shift: Conscious Uncoupling

by Ali Marcelino

Recently I completed a Conscious Uncoupling training course conducted by Katherine Woodward Thomas.  My intent is to introduce those principles into my practice here at Peace Talks Mediation Services.

The foundation for the extensive training and certification is found in Ms. Thomas’ book, Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After. This book serves as the catalyst for a paradigm shift for people going through a divorce or a relationship breakup.

The current divorce model supposes that the end of a marriage is also the end of a coupling.

But what if it is not?

One belief among divorce professionals is that they can’t make a profit if they are cooperative and ethical. The truth, and the new agreement, is that divorce mediators will thrive if they promote expeditious and collaborative judgments.  This will increase their value to their current and future clients.

In a crisis, men typically want to “fix” things and women feel the need to take on the responsibility for everyone’s well being. The exercises in the book are tools that make one realize that one can only provide for others when one prioritizes self-care.

The stories that we tell ourselves, what Ms. Thomas calls “the source fracture” otherwise known as a breakup narrative, are debilitating.  Choosing to gift ourselves a peaceful divorce requires the same core set of values we volunteered for in marriage- honor, respect, consideration and even love.

What I’ve learned from the book and training is that connecting to a deeper, wider place within ourselves gives us an opportunity to connect with the experience of the breakup. Only then can we create a new life in a more empowered and healthy way.

My new conscious agreement to the couples I work with is to help honor their old relationship while transitioning to a new one.