Frequently Ask Questions

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Quick Start

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Divorce Mediation

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Mediation

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Same Sex

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Modification Mediation

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Prenuptial

Quick Start FAQ’s:

What's the quickest way to get started? Simply give our office a call at (310) 301-2100 to set up a mediation orientation.

Simply give our office a call at (310) 301-2100 to set up a mediation orientation

You don’t need to bring anything with you to your orientation session . Most people stay between 20 and 40 minutes, depending on how many questions they have.

Yes, if you’re ready to reach an agreement and you want to reach an agreement. We have a 100% success rate with those who are ready and who want to reach an agreement, no matter how much conflict they may have. Read more

Just call us for an appointment at (310) 301-2100 You don’t have to bring anything with you to the first session, but it’s helpful if you have a simple list of your assets and debts. If you want to be as prepared as possible, check out the worksheets here, but really a simple list of your assets and debts is plenty of information to get you through the first session.

Yes, we can handle your paperwork filing as well as the mediation and our mediations cover all aspects of family law cases: children, parenting plans, financial settlements, child support and spousal support, and everything in between.

Divorce Mediation FAQ’s:

Divorce mediation and custody mediation are ways to resolve your divorce or custody dispute which let you keep full control of the outcome. The only people making decisions are those involved in the dispute, unlike arbitration or litigation where a judge or an arbitrator makes the final decision. Read More.

We are divorce and custody mediators serving greater Los Angeles. We know that divorce is about peace of mind as well as the legal divorce, and we pride ourselves on our client-centered approach in divorce and family law mediation. Read More.

Divorce mediation is most efficient when you come to your mediation session prepared with some basic information. The better informed you are about your assets, liabilities, children's schedules, and your goals for the outcome of your situation, the more progress we can make in your mediation session. Read More.

Every divorce starts with a Petition. The Petition package is a set of papers that lists your address, the date of your marriage, the names and dates of birth of your children, an extremely basic outline of your property and whether or not you'd like spousal support, among other things. The Petition can be amended later if you change your mind about any of these items. Read More.

Do you really want to spend your children's college education account, your vacation money, and the full value of your home on your divorce? Consider divorce mediation or custody mediation as a lower-cost, lower-stress alternative. Read More.

There are several options for how to contact the other party and suggest mediation. Talk to us and let us know what you think would be best. Read More.

As mediators, we’re trained to discuss your situation in a neutral way with both sides. Typically our Dispute Resolution Associate (DRS) have at least one telephone conversation with each party prior to your first mediation session because it’s important that everyone involved has confidence in the mediation process. In this way we are careful to avoid appearing to side with either party or the other. By having a neutral Dispute Resolution Associate speak with both parties before the mediation begins, you’ll get a chance to let us know your situation without feeling like whoever spoke to the mediator first will be “the favorite” in the mediation session.

We also offer a free half-hour mediation orientation session so that you and your spouse or parent of your child can come in and meet us together, and decide if you’d like to work with us. Read More.

A lawyer is not required to get divorced in California.
Like so many things, however, just because it’s legal doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. At Peace Talks, we encourage people to use lawyers’ and other professionals’ time wisely and cost-effectively to suit their needs and level of comfort. That may mean you speak to a lawyer for an hour, or it may mean that you hire a lawyer to represent you during the mediation sessions. It depends on what you feel you need the lawyer to do.

How Do I Know if I Need A Lawyer During Divorce Mediation?
Whether or not you need to have a lawyer depends on many factors. Generally, it’s a good idea to at least consult a mediation-friendly attorney no matter how comfortable you are with what you know about your family’s situation and your legal rights.

Most people speak with a lawyer at least for an hour or two to get an idea of how California’s laws might apply in their particular case, and to get an idea of a “best case” and “worst case” outcome for their case. You can use that information to formulate proposals in mediation and to negotiate with your spouse. It helps to have some guidelines and professional advice. Some people hire a lawyer to review a proposed agreement to see if it’s fair. These are all cost-effective ways to use a lawyer’s help in your case.

At Peace Talks, we welcome your lawyer’s input and participation, but we also deal with many clients who elect not to be represented by a lawyer, too.

How much representation you’ll want or need depends on your level of comfort with your knowledge of your family’s finances, custody situation and legal rights, as well as your budget. If you’re feeling uncomfortable with any of these issues, you probably need to at least consult with a lawyer for an hour or two. If you’re feeling very uncomfortable about these issues, you may wish to hire a lawyer to represent you for the entire case, even if you intend to participate in mediation.

Yes. Just let us know about your conciliation court date so that we can schedule your mediation session as soon as possible. When you reach an agreement in mediation, you can submit your agreement to court and cancel your appointment with conciliation court and family court services.

Yes. Attorneys are always welcome at Peace Talks. Some mediation clients bring attorneys with them to each mediation session, and some clients simply consult with their attorney in between mediation sessions. Just let us know whether your attorney will be coming with you to your mediation session(s) so that we can plan ahead. If you need a referral to an attorney who can advise you individually while supporting the mediation process, just let us know. We have a great referral list of terrific mediation-friendly attorneys.

If you’ve been kept in the dark about your finances throughout your marriage, if you’ve been the victim of domestic violence, or there is an extreme imbalance of power in your relationship, you should probably see a lawyer before beginning mediation or any divorce proceedings.

What About Other Professionals?
Lawyers aren’t the only professionals who can help with your divorce. For example, you may also want to speak to an accountant about the tax ramifications of your decisions and options for saving money on taxes, or you may want to speak to a child psychologist before deciding on a parenting plan.

At Peace Talks, we have lists of other professionals you may find helpful, and are happy to give you a recommendation.

As mediators, we can give you legal information, but not individualized legal advice.
At Peace Talks, we feel strongly about client education. We have a Client Library full of divorce and legal information which is free and open to the public, and we have many worksheets and handouts that cover all aspects of legal information. They are available on our web site.

We give every client a copy of Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Fireside 2001). Diana Mercer, a mediator at Peace Talks, wrote this book, and you can also order it from www.Amazon.com It’s important to us that you know your rights and that you’re comfortable with your decisions.

You’ll need to speak with your individual lawyer for legal advice, and how the legal information you gather might be applied to your benefit in your individual case.

When you speak to a lawyer is mostly a matter of personal preference. Some people consult with a lawyer just once or twice, and others hire a lawyer to represent them before and during the mediation. Plenty of people wait until an agreement has been drafted, and take the agreement and financial disclosures to a lawyer to review to make sure it’s fair under the circumstances.

When and if to consult with a lawyer depends on your needs, preferences and, to some extent, your budget.

Many people speak to a lawyer before going into mediation in order to plan for the mediation session. If you know your rights and a likely “best case” and “worst case” outcome for your case, you can formulate sensible proposals to use in your mediation session(s).

Other people wait until they’re in mediation to speak to a lawyer. That way, they have an idea of what their spouse’s income and assets are as well as their spouse’s position with respect to finances and custody. The lawyer helps them to figure out the next steps in coming to an agreement, to make fair proposals based on California law.

Some people hire a lawyer to represent them before the mediation and have their lawyer participate in the mediation sessions. Others hire a lawyer more like a mediation “coach” and use the lawyer only for advice and counseling, not to attend the mediation sessions, but to help them plan, find out more about the family finances, make sure their rights are protected and formulate proposals for use in the mediation sessions.

At Peace Talks Mediation, your mediator may suggest that you consult with a mediation-friendly attorney if he or she sees that you’re at all unsure about your legal rights or a likely outcome in Court

A mediation-friendly attorney is a family lawyer who will advise you about your rights, likely outcomes in court, and a “best case” and “worst case” scenario in your case. He or she will advise you as to your individual rights like any litigation lawyer might. A mediation-friendly lawyer, however, will advise and coach you without derailing the mediation process. He or she believes in the mediation process, and although he or she will advocate for your position, it will be done in a way so that you can continue in mediation rather than going through litigation and the Court system.

Your rights will be protected without having to go to Court.

For example, if your spouse has made an offer about spousal support, your mediation-friendly attorney may advise you that the offer is too low or too high, too short or too long, but rather than running to court, he or she will provide you with information about how a court might view the situation, discuss the pros and cons of going to court, help you develop facts and arguments to support your position, and come up with several alternatives to your spouse’s offer which make sense in your circumstances.

Most mediation-friendly attorneys will work with you on an hourly basis, rather than insisting that you hire them for the entire case. This is called “limited legal services” or “unbundled services”. You hire them just for the time you need them, or the task you need them for, rather than the entire case. It’s an ala carte alternative to traditional representation.

At Peace Talks, we can refer you to a mediation-friendly attorney if you wish

One of the great things about mediation is that you can invite professionals to the mediation sessions (by agreement of both parties, of course) who can be very helpful with joint questions.

If you and your spouse have specialized questions about things like taxes, budgeting, or the value of a business or piece of property, sometimes it’s helpful to have an accountant or appraiser come to a mediation session to discuss these issues with you both at the same time. Therapists can help with child-related issues. All professionals who participate in the sessions sign the confidentiality agreement so that your interests are protected, and the mediation process’ confidentiality is preserved.

If I Hire a Lawyer, Can My Lawyer Be Involved in Mediation Sessions?
Yes, as long as both you and your spouse agree that your lawyers will be involved prior to the mediation sessions, and that both have agreed in writing that lawyers can attend the mediation sessions or have contact with the mediators outside of sessions. We can discuss this in more detail during the free mediation orientation if you wish.

Can Our Children Be Involved In The Divorce Mediation Sessions or Custody Mediation Sessions?
Sometimes children can be involved, depending on their age and maturity. We can discuss whether to include the children in the sessions when and if it becomes an issue, but we always start by meeting the parents first and hearing their concerns without the children present.

Are There Any Clients You Don’t Accept For Mediation?
We are willing to try and help any couple who is willing to negotiate in good faith, and who will agree to participate fully.

Every divorce starts with a Petition. The Petition ‘package’ is a set of papers that lists your address, the date of your marriage, the names and dates of birth of your children, an extremely basic outline of your property and whether or not you’d like spousal support, among other things. The Petition can be amended later if you change your mind about any of these items.

Can My Mediator Handle all of the Paperwork for Us?
Yes. Peace Talks Mediation can prepare, file, and serve all of the necessary paperwork for you for a flat fee. We have both an attorney and a paralegal on staff.
If you prefer, you have other options for filing the paperwork, including doing it yourself, hiring a paralegal or document preparation service, or hiring another lawyer to prepare the paperwork for you. Either way, the basic procedure is the same.

Do We Need to Agree Before Filing the Divorce Petition?
It isn’t necessary to reach an agreement before the Petition is filed. Many people file the Petition before even starting mediation because California has a mandatory 6 month waiting period to finalize a divorce–which leaves plenty of time to negotiate an agreement. Because the Petition contains just basic information, which can be amended later, in mediation the Petition’s purpose is to simply open your file with the Court and to get the waiting period started.

Does it Make a Difference Who Files the Divorce Petition?
It doesn’t make much difference who files the Petition. Legally, the difference between the Petitioner (the person who files the Petition) and the Respondent (the person who receives the Petition) is very subtle. For example, in the event of a trial, the Petitioner gets to choose whether or not to be the first to testify in court. As a practical matter, over 98% of all divorce cases settle before a trial. As you can see, in most cases, legally it won’t matter who files the Petition.

It may make a difference to you emotionally who files the Petition, however, because the Petitioner is the person who is legally asking the Court for the divorce. For many Couples , this is an emotionally meaningful decision.

How Does the Petition Get to the Other Person?
Once the Petition package has been filed with the Court, it must be served on the Respondent (the person receiving the petition). This service of process can be done by mail. When the Respondent receives the Petition in the mail, he or she simply signs a receipt that says he or she received the papers. This receipt is called a Notice and Acknowledgment of Receipt and it simply states that the Respondent received the papers—not that he or she agrees with the papers or the divorce in general.

If the Respondent won’t sign the Notice and Acknowledgment of Receipt, he or she needs to be served with the papers. Typically, an Attorney Service is hired to serve the papers. This costs between $50 and $200, depending on how difficult it is to find the Respondent to deliver the papers.

Obviously, signing the Notice and Acknowledgement of Receipt is easier, faster and cheaper than having the Respondent served. It’s also more private and less embarrassing.

What Does The Other Person Do After Receiving the Divorce Petition?
Once the Petition papers have been served, the Respondent has 30 days to file a Response. The Response is basically the same as the Petition, only it’s filed by the Respondent. The Court’s filing fee for the Response in Los Angeles County is $320.00. Your check should be made payable to the “Clerk of the Superior Court”.

In mediation, some Respondents decide not to bother with a Response if it looks as though an agreement will be reached soon. The Court’s “Response” filing fee is then paid when the agreement is filed, since no Response has been filed. At Peace Talks, we encourage Respondents to file a Response, and prepare it along with the Petition for one flat fee.

What is the Filing Fee for a Divorce?
The Court’s filing fee for the Petition in Los Angeles County is $320.00. Your check should be made payable to the “Clerk of the Superior Court”. The filing fee is different in different counties, and it changes from time to time, so double check the fee on your local court’s web site before filing your Petition.

Yes. Peace Talks Mediation Services helps many Couples who are already in the process of a divorce, custody, modification hearing or court case. We can help you resolve your issues so that you can submit your agreement to court and avoid expensive litigation and court dates.

Yes. Just let us know about your court date when you call so that we can schedule your mediation session as soon as possible. When you reach an agreement in mediation, you can submit it to court and cancel your court date. When you reach an agreement in mediation, you can avoid litigation and having to go to court.

Mediation FAQ’s

There are several options for how to contact the other party and suggest mediation. Talk to us and let us know what you think would be best:

After learning more about the mediation process, you can speak with your spouse or parent of your child in order to suggest divorce mediation or custody mediation. You can let him or her know that the Dispute Resolution Associates at Peace Talks are available to speak to him or her, send out information, or answer questions about divorce mediation and custody mediation.

We can send information to your spouse or parent of your child directly, or we can send two sets of information to you so that you can share one set with the other party.

You and your spouse or parent of your child can come in for a free half-hour mediation orientation so that you can meet the mediator you'll be using, ask questions about the process, and discuss your situation before deciding if mediation would be helpful in your case. That way, you both meet the mediator at the same time, and the intake information is given to the mediator with both of you present.

Any combination of the above—for example, you may want to speak to your spouse or parent of your child about mediation, and let him or her know to call our Dispute Resolution Associate to discuss it further. Or, you may want us to send a package of information to your spouse, and you can call him or her to let them know information is coming.

As mediators, we're trained to discuss your situation in a neutral way with both sides. Typically our Dispute Resolution Associate (DRS) have at least one telephone conversation with each party prior to your first mediation session because it's important that everyone involved has confidence in the mediation process. In this way we are careful to avoid appearing to side with either party or the other. By having a neutral Dispute Resolution Associate speak with both parties before the mediation begins, you'll get a chance to let us know your situation without feeling like whoever spoke to the mediator first will be "the favorite" in the mediation session.

We also offer a free half-hour mediation orientation session so that you and your spouse or parent of your child can come in and meet us together, and decide if you'd like to work with us.

Learn more about the mediation orientation

A lawyer is not required to get divorced in California.
Like so many things, however, just because it’s legal doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. At Peace Talks, we encourage people to use lawyers’ and other professionals’ time wisely and cost-effectively to suit their needs and level of comfort. That may mean you speak to a lawyer for an hour, or it may mean that you hire a lawyer to represent you during the mediation sessions. It depends on what you feel you need the lawyer to do.

How Do I Know if I Need A Lawyer During Divorce Mediation?
Whether or not you need to have a lawyer depends on many factors. Generally, it’s a good idea to at least consult a mediation-friendly attorney no matter how comfortable you are with what you know about your family’s situation and your legal rights.

Most people speak with a lawyer at least for an hour or two to get an idea of how California’s laws might apply in their particular case, and to get an idea of a “best case” and “worst case” outcome for their case. You can use that information to formulate proposals in mediation and to negotiate with your spouse. It helps to have some guidelines and professional advice. Some people hire a lawyer to review a proposed agreement to see if it’s fair. These are all cost-effective ways to use a lawyer’s help in your case.

At Peace Talks, we welcome your lawyer’s input and participation, but we also deal with many clients who elect not to be represented by a lawyer, too.

How much representation you’ll want or need depends on your level of comfort with your knowledge of your family’s finances, custody situation and legal rights, as well as your budget. If you’re feeling uncomfortable with any of these issues, you probably need to at least consult with a lawyer for an hour or two. If you’re feeling very uncomfortable about these issues, you may wish to hire a lawyer to represent you for the entire case, even if you intend to participate in mediation.

If you’ve been kept in the dark about your finances throughout your marriage, if you’ve been the victim of domestic violence, or there is an extreme imbalance of power in your relationship, you should probably see a lawyer before beginning mediation or any divorce proceedings.

What About Other Professionals?
Lawyers aren’t the only professionals who can help with your divorce. For example, you may also want to speak to an accountant about the tax ramifications of your decisions and options for saving money on taxes, or you may want to speak to a child psychologist before deciding on a parenting plan.

At Peace Talks, we have lists of other professionals you may find helpful, and are happy to give you a recommendation.

As mediators, we can give you legal information, but not individualized legal advice.
At Peace Talks, we feel strongly about client education. We have a Client Library full of divorce and legal information which is free and open to the public, and we have many worksheets and handouts that cover all aspects of legal information. They are available on our web site.

We give every client a copy of Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Fireside 2001). Diana Mercer, a mediator at Peace Talks, wrote this book, and you can also order it from www.Amazon.com It’s important to us that you know your rights and that you’re comfortable with your decisions.

You’ll need to speak with your individual lawyer for legal advice, and how the legal information you gather might be applied to your benefit in your individual case.

When you speak to a lawyer is mostly a matter of personal preference. Some people consult with a lawyer just once or twice, and others hire a lawyer to represent them before and during the mediation. Plenty of people wait until an agreement has been drafted, and take the agreement and financial disclosures to a lawyer to review to make sure it’s fair under the circumstances.

When and if to consult with a lawyer depends on your needs, preferences and, to some extent, your budget.

Many people speak to a lawyer before going into mediation in order to plan for the mediation session. If you know your rights and a likely “best case” and “worst case” outcome for your case, you can formulate sensible proposals to use in your mediation session(s).

Other people wait until they’re in mediation to speak to a lawyer. That way, they have an idea of what their spouse’s income and assets are as well as their spouse’s position with respect to finances and custody. The lawyer helps them to figure out the next steps in coming to an agreement, to make fair proposals based on California law.

Some people hire a lawyer to represent them before the mediation and have their lawyer participate in the mediation sessions. Others hire a lawyer more like a mediation “coach” and use the lawyer only for advice and counseling, not to attend the mediation sessions, but to help them plan, find out more about the family finances, make sure their rights are protected and formulate proposals for use in the mediation sessions.

At Peace Talks Mediation, your mediator may suggest that you consult with a mediation-friendly attorney if he or she sees that you’re at all unsure about your legal rights or a likely outcome in Court

A mediation-friendly attorney is a family lawyer who will advise you about your rights, likely outcomes in court, and a “best case” and “worst case” scenario in your case. He or she will advise you as to your individual rights like any litigation lawyer might. A mediation-friendly lawyer, however, will advise and coach you without derailing the mediation process. He or she believes in the mediation process, and although he or she will advocate for your position, it will be done in a way so that you can continue in mediation rather than going through litigation and the Court system.

Your rights will be protected without having to go to Court.

For example, if your spouse has made an offer about spousal support, your mediation-friendly attorney may advise you that the offer is too low or too high, too short or too long, but rather than running to court, he or she will provide you with information about how a court might view the situation, discuss the pros and cons of going to court, help you develop facts and arguments to support your position, and come up with several alternatives to your spouse’s offer which make sense in your circumstances.

Most mediation-friendly attorneys will work with you on an hourly basis, rather than insisting that you hire them for the entire case. This is called “limited legal services” or “unbundled services”. You hire them just for the time you need them, or the task you need them for, rather than the entire case. It’s an ala carte alternative to traditional representation.

At Peace Talks, we can refer you to a mediation-friendly attorney if you wish

One of the great things about mediation is that you can invite professionals to the mediation sessions (by agreement of both parties, of course) who can be very helpful with joint questions.

If you and your spouse have specialized questions about things like taxes, budgeting, or the value of a business or piece of property, sometimes it's helpful to have an accountant or appraiser come to a mediation session to discuss these issues with you both at the same time. Therapists can help with child-related issues. All professionals who participate in the sessions sign the confidentiality agreement so that your interests are protected, and the mediation process' confidentiality is preserved.

If I Hire a Lawyer, Can My Lawyer Be Involved in Mediation Sessions?
Yes, as long as both you and your spouse agree that your lawyers will be involved prior to the mediation sessions, and that both have agreed in writing that lawyers can attend the mediation sessions or have contact with the mediators outside of sessions. We can discuss this in more detail during the free mediation orientation if you wish.

Can Our Children Be Involved In The Divorce Mediation Sessions or Custody Mediation Sessions?
Sometimes children can be involved, depending on their age and maturity. We can discuss whether to include the children in the sessions when and if it becomes an issue, but we always start by meeting the parents first and hearing their concerns without the children present.

Are There Any Clients You Don't Accept For Mediation?
We are willing to try and help any couple who is willing to negotiate in good faith, and who will agree to participate fully.

Every divorce starts with a Petition. The Petition ‘package’ is a set of papers that lists your address, the date of your marriage, the names and dates of birth of your children, an extremely basic outline of your property and whether or not you’d like spousal support, among other things. The Petition can be amended later if you change your mind about any of these items.

Can My Mediator Handle all of the Paperwork for Us?
Yes. Peace Talks Mediation can prepare, file, and serve all of the necessary paperwork for you for a flat fee. We have both an attorney and a paralegal on staff.
If you prefer, you have other options for filing the paperwork, including doing it yourself, hiring a paralegal or document preparation service, or hiring another lawyer to prepare the paperwork for you. Either way, the basic procedure is the same.

Do We Need to Agree Before Filing the Divorce Petition?
It isn’t necessary to reach an agreement before the Petition is filed. Many people file the Petition before even starting mediation because California has a mandatory 6 month waiting period to finalize a divorce--which leaves plenty of time to negotiate an agreement. Because the Petition contains just basic information, which can be amended later, in mediation the Petition’s purpose is to simply open your file with the Court and to get the waiting period started.

Does it Make a Difference Who Files the Divorce Petition?
It doesn’t make much difference who files the Petition. Legally, the difference between the Petitioner (the person who files the Petition) and the Respondent (the person who receives the Petition) is very subtle. For example, in the event of a trial, the Petitioner gets to choose whether or not to be the first to testify in court. As a practical matter, over 98% of all divorce cases settle before a trial. As you can see, in most cases, legally it won't matter who files the Petition.

It may make a difference to you emotionally who files the Petition, however, because the Petitioner is the person who is legally asking the Court for the divorce. For many Couples , this is an emotionally meaningful decision.

How Does the Petition Get to the Other Person?
Once the Petition package has been filed with the Court, it must be served on the Respondent (the person receiving the petition). This service of process can be done by mail. When the Respondent receives the Petition in the mail, he or she simply signs a receipt that says he or she received the papers. This receipt is called a Notice and Acknowledgment of Receipt and it simply states that the Respondent received the papers—not that he or she agrees with the papers or the divorce in general.

If the Respondent won’t sign the Notice and Acknowledgment of Receipt, he or she needs to be served with the papers. Typically, an Attorney Service is hired to serve the papers. This costs between $50 and $200, depending on how difficult it is to find the Respondent to deliver the papers.

Obviously, signing the Notice and Acknowledgement of Receipt is easier, faster and cheaper than having the Respondent served. It’s also more private and less embarrassing.

What Does The Other Person Do After Receiving the Divorce Petition?
Once the Petition papers have been served, the Respondent has 30 days to file a Response. The Response is basically the same as the Petition, only it’s filed by the Respondent. The Court’s filing fee for the Response in Los Angeles County is $320.00. Your check should be made payable to the “Clerk of the Superior Court”.

In mediation, some Respondents decide not to bother with a Response if it looks as though an agreement will be reached soon. The Court’s “Response” filing fee is then paid when the agreement is filed, since no Response has been filed. At Peace Talks, we encourage Respondents to file a Response, and prepare it along with the Petition for one flat fee.

What is the Filing Fee for a Divorce?
The Court’s filing fee for the Petition in Los Angeles County is $320.00. Your check should be made payable to the “Clerk of the Superior Court”. The filing fee is different in different counties, and it changes from time to time, so double check the fee on your local court’s web site before filing your Petition.

Same Sex FAQ’s

Divorce mediation is most efficient when you come to your mediation session prepared with some basic information. The better informed you are about your assets, liabilities, children’s schedules, and your goals for the outcome of your situation, the more progress we can make in your mediation session.

Here are some forms to print out to help you with the process:

California has a law which sets the child support amount based on your and your spouse's (or other parent's income, if you're not married) incomes after federal taxes, state taxes, social security, and other mandatory deductions along with the amount of time you each spend with your children.

Peace Talks uses a court-approved computer program to calculate the guideline child support, and we can run these calculations for you in your mediation session if you wish.

We'll also discuss each parent's needs along with the children's needs so that your agreement is tailored to your family.

Income includes overtime, bonuses, and commissions, unemployment compensation and worker's compensation benefits.

Child support is modifiable in the event that circumstances change. The change may be to your income,the other parent's income, your child's needs, or a combination of all three. Mediation can help you communicate about co-parenting issues and child support. Mediation can help you find a solution that takes all of your needs, and your child's needs,into account.

These days, child support rarely stops with just a monthly amount. From daycare to medical insurance and from summer camp to college expenses, mediation can be a great way to help parents balance the needs of their children with financial security and fairness and to find a solution that works for everyone. The mediators at Peace Talks Mediation Services can help you mediate and resolve your child support modification in a sane, sensible way and at a reasonable cost.

California has a law which sets the child support amount based on your and your spouse's (or other parent's income, if you're not married) incomes after federal taxes, state taxes, social security, and other mandatory deductions. California Family Code Section 4055 Child support is based on a combination of your and the other parent's incomes and the amount of time you each spend with the children. If your child has special circumstances, like a health or education problem, that can be taken into account, too.

Peace Talks Mediation Services uses a court-approved computer program to calculate the Guideline child support, and we can run these calculations for you in your mediation session if you wish. And, while the Child Support Guidelines are what the court would use, in mediation you're free to discuss child support based on your situation and your child's needs, not just a computer program.

And, although you're already divorced, the mediation process is the same. The mediators at Peace Talks Mediation Services see the same high rate of success in post-divorce mediation that we see in pre-divorce mediation.

If you want to mediate your child support modification, you can save some time and money by using these worksheets: Child Support Checklist Budget and Income Information (for child support issues)

Visit our Resource Center for more information about child support and creative ways to support your children without breaking the bank.

Custody is decided based on the best interests of your children. We think that parents make the best decisions about their own children, rather than Judges and Evaluators who don't even know your family. 

In mediation, you make the schedules and parenting decisions.  Our mediators provide information, the latest child development research, suggestions and tips but you make the final decisions. Click here for helpful checklists and sample parenting schedules if you'd like to get started on your own.

In court, each case is decided on a case-by-case basis. The judge considers things like the relationship you each have with the children, which parent will encourage more education, visitation with the other parent and his or her family, and which parent has a more stable home life to offer a child.

Because the standard "best interests" is so flexible, it's hard to know what a judge would do in the event of a trial. The other problem is that a judge will only have a few hours worth of testimony and a report prepared by the family conciliation office to use to make the decision about where your children will live and how often they will see you. That's not much information. There's no way the judge will know for sure if what is ordered is really in your children's best interests. Only you and your children's other parent know that.

Because most divorces that include spousal support usually keep the amount modifiable, if circumstances change you may need help to reach a new spousal support order or spousal support agreement after your divorce is finished. A change in your or your former spouse's income, health or ability to work can mean that it's time to update your spousal support orders. The mediators at Peace Talks Mediation Services can help you reach a new agreement that is fair and that takes everyone's needs into account.

And, although you're already divorced, the mediation process is the same. The mediators at Peace Talks Mediation Services see the same high rate of success in post-divorce mediation that we see in pre-divorce mediation.

Preparing for spousal support modification mediation: If you want to mediate your spousal support modification, you can save some time and money by using these worksheets:

Visit our Resource Center for more information about spousal support and spousal support issues.

Although property settlements are final as part of your final divorce paperwork, sometimes issues come up. Perhaps you still jointly own a home and it's time to sell, but you cannot agree on a purchase price with your former spouse. Maybe your Judgment wasn't as clear as you'd hoped on your property rights. The mediators at Peace Talks Mediation Services can help you mediate and resolve your post-divorce issues in a sane, sensible way and at a reasonable cost.

And, although you're already divorced, the mediation process is the same. The mediators at Peace Talks Mediation Services see the same high rate of success in post-divorce mediation that we see in pre-divorce mediation. In addition to making a list of all of the issues that have come up, please bring a copy of your Judgment or other court paperwork with you to the mediation session. You may also want to look at some of our suggestions for preparing for post-divorce property issues in mediation:

Visit our Resource Center for more information about divorce, separation, and property settlements.

Getting married or re-married? You may want to consider a premarital agreement.

Modification Mediation FAQ’s

No, it is not. Gay marriage was legal in California from May, 2008 (see In re Marriage Cases) until November, 2008, when Proposition 8 passed.

That is yet to be determined. The decision will affect 18,000 same-sex marriages that took place during the window of opportunity, when same-sex marriage was legal. For more information, see Prop 8 Update

No. The only way you and your partner can be considered domestic partners is if you register your domestic partnership with the State of California.

Visit http://www.sos.ca.gov/dpregistry/forms.htm to complete a Declaration of Domestic Partnership and mail or deliver it to any Secretary of State regional office location.

Yes. For same-sex partners there is a fee of $10.00 plus an additional $23.00 which goes to develop and support a training curriculum to stop domestic abuse in the LGBT community.

Yes. You must both be members of the same sex and live together (but both your names do not have to be on the home title). Neither of you can be married to someone else or be in another domestic partnership that hasn't been terminated. You cannot be blood relatives. You must both be at least 18 and capable of consenting to the domestic partnership.

Yes. A Cohabitation Agreement can be used to designate respective interests on property, income, and financial support if the relationship is terminated.

Yes. When you register as domestic partners, you and your partner can change your last name(s) as you desire. There is a space on the form for you to register your new names as domestic partners should you decide to change them.

Visit http://www.sos.ca.gov/dpregistry/forms/sf-dp2.pdf to complete a Notice of Termination of Domestic Partnership and mail or deliver it to any Secretary of State regional office location. A domestic partnership is officially terminated six months after the date of filing the Notice with the Secretary of State provided that you meet the Considerations for Terminating a Domestic Partnership. Some Couples are required to file a petition for dissolution at a local superior court. See Terminating a Domestic Partnership

No, not really. The process is very much like divorce in every way, with the added pressures of LBGT legal and emotional issues on top of the loss of a primary relationship.

There is a six month waiting period from the time you file a Notice of Termination of Domestic Partnership before your termination is final.

Prenuptial FAQ’s

Gently and well in advance of your planned wedding.

We recommend you bring it up at least 3 months before your wedding.

We would suggest that you be forthright, heartfelt and clear: "I would like to have a serious talk about how we will handle our finances during our marriage, and to talk about what our expectations would be in the event that our marriage did not work out. I think that our marriage has the best chance if we are honest with each other, and if we resolve important issues before they turn into disagreements. Money and finances come between lots of Couples , and many people ruin everything good between them in a divorce. I want to avoid that. Would you consider having this talk with me? I think a mediator can help us work through these issues together."

At Peace Talks Mediation Services, our mediators can help you think about the way you will approach your fiancé about the idea of a Premarital Agreement

What are the advantages of having a Premarital Agreement or Prenuptial Agreement?

  • Clear understanding of how you'll handle finances before you get married.
  • Talk out tough issues in advance.
  • Protect your assets and income.
  • Protect your education, efforts and ideas.
  • Protect your new spouse from your debts and obligations.
  • Assure your new spouse and your children from a prior relationship that they'll be protected if you get divorced or predecease them.

At Peace Talks Mediation Services, our mediators will make sure that you have the right information to make the right decisions and that you've covered all the bases before you sign your agreement.

See also: 10 Tips on Why Prenuptial Agreement Mediation Works

Why would I want a premarital agreement or prenuptial agreement if I'm not rich?

Why would I want a premarital agreement or prenuptial agreement if I am wealthy?

Can a premarital agreement or prenuptial agreement protect my children from my first marriage? Or my new spouse from my children from another relationship?

What if I am the fiancé with less money? What's in a premarital agreement or prenuptial agreement for me?

What if we just live together and don't get married?

Ask yourself why you're reluctant to consider a premarital agreement.

If it's because of the myth that premarital agreements are designed to only protect the wealthier spouse and strip the other spouse of all of his or her rights, understand that this is only a myth. Premarital agreements which are unfair and completely one-sided are probably not enforceable in court. Cal Fam Code Section 1615.

If your reluctance is only based on myths about premarital agreements, we'd encourage you to at least discuss your fiancé's request for a premarital agreement before simply refusing to talk. Listening to your fiancé's request or concerns is not the same as agreeing to do whatever he or she asks. Start the dialogue.

If you're reluctant to consider a premarital agreement because you think your fiancé intends to be unfair to you, you're concerned that your fiancé won't marry you unless you do what he or she says without concern for your feelings, or you're concerned about troubles in your relationship, pre-marital Couples' Counseling may be helpful. You'll want to put these fears and concerns to rest before you get married.

Consider this quote from the Nolo Press book Prenuptial Agreements: How to Write a Fair and Lasting Contract

"While a prenuptial agreement may not seem like a very romantic project, working together to consider and choose the terms of a prenup can actually strengthen your relationship. After all, marriage is a partnership in every sense of the word. Learning how to deal respectfully and constructively with each other about finances is a benefit in itself. So even if you conclude that you don't need a prenup, using this book can help you converse with each other about the important-and sometimes challenging-financial matters that are sure to arise in the course of your marriage."

"When you marry, you make what you expect and hope will be a lifetime commitment to be there for each other in every way. Your prenup should support and reflect the spirit of partnership with which you approach your wedding vows."

Couples' Counseling can be very helpful, especially if it's difficult for you and your fiancé to talk about important issues.

We think that it's important to have the tough discussions about married life before you get married, not after. Will you have children? Practice a religion? How will you handle your finances? When do you want to buy a house? Couples' Counseling can be very valuable in helping you put these issues on the table and start to sort them out. A neutral professional counselor can work with you to help you make sure you're both on the same track, and that you respect each other's differences.

We're mediators, and while some of the mediators who work at Peace Talks are also licensed therapists, mediation is not the same as therapy. If you come in for mediation and we think that counseling would be helpful, we'll make that suggestion.

The Peace Talks Mediation Services office and mediators can give you a counseling referral.

Why use mediation or co-mediation for a premarital agreement or prenuptial agreement?

Mediation lets you set the agenda, the schedule, and the flow of the discussions.

The most important thing that mediation helps you accomplish is that you and your fiancé will discuss the issues and reach an agreement before your individual lawyers get involved. This keeps the cost and acrimony to a minimum.

You may want to take a look at 10 Tips on Why Prenuptial Agreement Mediation Works.

There are many advantages to using mediation, and click here to see what we think are the most important advantages.
To learn more about our mediation staff, take a look at everyone's mediation profile

Traditional Way: The typical way of handling premarital agreements is that the fiancé who wants to have a premarital agreement has his or her lawyer draft an agreement which is very favorable to the client asking for the premarital agreement. The recipient attorney then makes many one-sided changes in favor of his or her client (the other fiancé), and then the agreement goes back to the first lawyer, who disagrees with most of the changes. As a result, the agreement is redrafted multiple times... all charged by the hour.

Worse yet, the first time the couple sees or discusses the agreement may be after the first draft. Their input into the draft itself may be limited, and mostly guided by the lawyers.

Mediation: The Better Way: The fiancés develop a list of issues to discuss with a mediator, and the mediator helps them explore the options and decide how they'd like to handle each issue. Each fiancé may have the help of an individual lawyer during this process, but the agreement is tailored around the couple's priorities and needs. The lawyers are acting as sounding boards and advisors, and they're helping, but not driving, the process.

The result is that when the agreement is drafted, it represents the agreement of both fiancés. Typically, it needs very little revision.

At Peace Talks Mediation Services, our mediators will make sure that you have thought about all of the options before you sign your agreement.

Premarital agreements can be complicated, as you can see from the checklists. If you feel like you need a premarital agreement, you probably do need one, and it's worth doing correctly.
Fees start at $1500 for the document and $625 per hour for mediation time. Depending on the complexity of your situation and the issues, you may want to budget between $3500 and $10,000. The mediators at Peace Talks can give you an estimate for your total agreement cost when you come in for your mediation orientation.

We also suggest building in the cost of a premarital agreement into your wedding budget.

There are lots of topics that you can choose to cover. Prenup Checklist. There are also financial disclosures which need to be made - Disclosures Worksheet

You can include as much or as little as you wish as long as your financial disclosures are complete. Negotiation a premarital agreement is a very personal choice, and the agreement should be tailored to your and your fiancé's needs.

At Peace Talks Mediation Services, our mediators will make sure that you have thought about all of the options before you sign your Agreement.

California law requires that you each have an attorney to review your premarital agreement before you sign it. Your attorney will help you determine if the agreement is fair for you.

In some circumstances, you can have a valid premarital agreement without having an attorney represent you, but why take an unnecessary chance with such an important document? If it's important to do it, it's important to do it right.

Take a look at California's criteria for creating a valid premarital agreement.

At Peace Talks Mediation Services, our mediators will make sure that you have thought about all of the options and that you have all of the information you need before you sign your agreement.

Yes. California Family Code Section 1615 (c)(1) says that a court will assume that an agreement was executed involuntarily if the person against whom it is being enforced wasn't represented by an attorney.

In some circumstances, you can have a valid premarital agreement without having an attorney represent you, but why take an unnecessary chance with such an important document? If it's important to do it, it's important to do it right.

Follow this link to the California Family Code Section 1615.

Do you know who Barry Bonds is? He's a very successful and talented baseball player. In his case, the premarital agreement was upheld even though his wife didn't have an attorney to review the agreement for her. California Family Code Section 1615 (c)(1) was probably drafted in reaction to the results of this case, which now means you must each have an attorney if you want for your premarital agreement to have the best chance of being upheld.

At Peace Talks Mediation Services, our mediators will make sure that you have thought about all of the options and that you have all of the information you need before you sign your agreement.

Generally yes, premarital agreements are enforceable, provided that they were executed properly.

Follow this link to California Family Code Section 1615, which lists the requirements for agreements to be enforceable.

Waiving spousal support (alimony) has been more controversial, but the way California law stands today, it is probably valid to waive your rights to spousal support in a premarital agreement. Pendleton & Fireman case summary.

At Peace Talks Mediation Services, our mediators will make sure that you have thought about all of the options and that you have all of the information you need before you sign your agreement.

California Family Code Sections 1600-1617 cover drafting and enforcement of Premarital Agreements and Prenuptial Agreements. Here is a copy of the 2 most important of those laws, with some sample language that may go into a premarital agreement or prenuptial agreement.

At Peace Talks Mediation Services, our mediators will make sure that you have thought about all of the options and that you have all of the information you need before you sign your agreement.

No. You can't change the terms of the agreement after you sign it unless both people agree to make the change. That's why it's so important to make sure it's exactly what you want before you sign it.

The mediators at Peace Talks will help you make sure that you're making the right decisions and that you've covered all the bases before you sign your agreement.

No, not unless both you and your spouse agree to terminate the agreement. There's no "grace period." Once an agreement has been signed, it's final unless both people agree to modify it.

At Peace Talks Mediation Services, our mediators will make sure that you have thought about all of the options and that you have all of the information you need before you sign your Agreement.

You will sign several originals of the agreement, and both you and your fiancé will keep an original. Your lawyers will also keep a copy, and maybe an original too. If the original gets lost, you can use a photocopy in court in most cases.

The agreement is confidential unless you decide to record it on the land records. The only reason to record it on the land records is to put other parties on notice that the agreement exists. For example, if part of what your agreement does is protect you against your spouse's debts, the only way you can bind the 3rd party creditors is by making them aware of the agreement. Typically this is done by recording the agreement, or an abstract of the agreement, on the land records.

If you mediate your agreement at Peace Talks, we will also keep a copy in our archives in case you ever need it.

Yes, you could risk your income or assets by living together without marrying.

Palimony is a spousal support substitute (like alimony) for people who are not married. Palimony claims are difficult to prove, but that doesn't stop some people from trying.

Remember actor Lee Marvin? You can read about his living together situation in this case summary. And then you can imagine what he probably paid in attorneys fees to defend these claims. But that's only half the story: Michelle Triola Marvin also had an attorney who needed to be paid, too. Taken in this perspective, a premarital agreement or cohabitation agreement is a cost-effective way to handle this type of situation.

Also, if you have an oral or written contract about how you will own property, share income, assets, debts and so forth, it's sometimes possible to make a claim that although you were never married that contract law applies, and that property should be divided even if it's only in one person's name, or even if only one person paid the bills. There are also real estate partition laws that can dictate how property is divided, and in some cases the court can even force an involuntary sale at auction.

If you are going to live together without getting married, you'll want a cohabitation agreement. The mediators at Peace Talks feel it's better to decide who contributes to and owns property before you buy things rather than afterwards. The mediators as Peace Talks can help you mediate and draft a cohabitation agreement.

Post-nuptial Agreements are very similar to Premarital Agreements, except they are drafted and signed after you are married. They can cover the same terms and issues as a Premarital Agreement.

They are more difficult to enforce, however, because of the duties that one spouse owes to another. The disclosure requirements are more strict. Most importantly, it's against public policy to encourage divorces, and the (unstated) implication in a post-martial Agreement of "sign this or we're getting divorced" makes it difficult to prove that a post-marital agreement was executed voluntarily.