Newlyweds often find it hard to think how they will deal with various issues, difficulties, or disagreements during their marriage, especially in the early days of their journey. But the reality is marriages are not always perfect. It’s more of a rollercoaster ride, especially during the rough patches. To have a successful marriage takes a…
Read More →I came across a nice synopsis of why mediation for your divorce may be the smartest choice. It is safe to say that most couples facing divorce expect the experience to be agonizing as well as exhausting. Ending a marriage, and the ensuing divorce, is one of the most emotional events of a lifetime. Since…
Read More →One of the great dynamics that we participate in at our Divorce Mediation sessions at PeaceTalks is the age-old mantra “necessity is the mother of invention.” Once we’re able to establish a common goal for our couples in each of the areas involving conflict it’s amazing how quickly they discover resolutions through cooperation and creativity. By…
Read More →For anyone who can’t let go of that “Money=Happiness” thing, just read and be kind of glad that you don’t have so much money that God borrows from you. The divorce fairness issue that Jeff and MacKenzie Bezos don’t have to worry about https://www.cnn.com/2019/01/11/opinions/divorce-unfair-bezos-opinion-cohen/index.html
Read More →With just less than half of married partners ending in divorce, therapists over time have developed some suggestions for making the process possibly less painful for everyone. You will see from these suggestions why PeaceTalks always makes sure a therapist is available for both parties for every session. You can see a thread with these…
Read More →In getting to a mutually agreeable divorce settlement we make progress, literally, by getting couples to communicate with each other. Many couples find it difficult to communicate. Our therapist mediator will provide tools to better communication and can also facilitate a “difficult conversation.”Communication is an interactive process, and text messages can be a great way to stay…
Read More →For anyone who can’t let go of that “Money=Happiness” thing, just read and be kind of glad that you don’t have so much money that God borrows from you. The divorce fairness issue that Jeff and MacKenzie Bezos don’t have to worry about https://www.cnn.com/2019/01/11/opinions/divorce-unfair-bezos-opinion-cohen/index.html
Read More →The following was excerpted from an article in the Boston Herald by Wendy Hickey Should We Try Mediation? The answer is yes for most people. The majority of couples we see at PeaceTalks have enough common goals to negotiate an amicable and equitable settlement agreement. Since most people will listen to a neutral third-party guide in…
Read More →Here’s a couple more tips from the article I saw by Oren Kaufmann on the Mediate.com website. Don’t be penny wise and pound-foolish. Imagine the following not so unusual scenario. You have resolved all the tough issues and for some reason these one or two remain “as a matter of principle“. It makes no sense financially…
Read More →There are a lot of commonalities with divorce and lessons from shared experiences can be extremely helpful when going through extremely stressful situations like divorce negotiations. Some great suggestions were offered by a mediation expert named Oran Kaufman in a series of articles for Mediate.com and I wanted to pass along these very cogent, and…
Read More →I came across an article in Divorce Magazine by Susan E. Guthrie that echoed familiar misconceptions that we come across at PeaceTalks, as do many of our colleagues. Here are a few highlights and I’ve provided a link to the entire article, which makes some excellent points: Almost any divorce case, or really any family law matter,…
Read More →Besides the slight “Dog Bites Man” slant to another celebrity divorce, with the wife paying alimony, I want to highlight another example of the kind of “creative agreements” that PeaceTalks encourages in our mediation strategies. Alicia Silverstone to Pay Ex Spousal Support by Brian Hood, Page Six As part of the couple’s divorce agreement, the “Clueless”…
Read More →I came across an article by Jill Stanley, who covers celebrity legal stories, as to why some celebrities choose mediation for their divorce process. Using some couples from Malibu as a general backdrop she covers a few of these reasons that really can apply to any amicable couple looking to avoid costly litigation. PeaceTalks has handled agreements for celebrities…
Read More →Whether you are in or out of a divorce, the holidays are challenging enough without constant pictures of hellfire and smoky air in your eyes. It can be tough find time in order to target the most effective channel for giving help during a catastrophe and our fires are no exception. I’m passing along some…
Read More →There was an article in the Sunday LA Times by Ben Steverman of Bloomberg News with some very clear advice from some divorce professionals that have been doing this for a long time. His article was written before the fires started devastating the lives of thousands of our fellow Californians. PeaceTalks and every other mediation…
Read More →For people screening referrals they have received to mediation services some questions are best dealt with at the very beginning of the process. Even couples that may have already made a choice often benefit from getting some issues settled before the start of actual preparation and negotiation. Is the first consultation free? PeaceTalks does not…
Read More →For anyone that is still facing the December 31 deadline for filing here’s some possible relief from some of that anxiety. A lot of people have come to Peace Talks worried, in part, about the alimony change in the new tax laws and what they have to do by December 31 to maximize their benefits going…
Read More →I get a kick out of how many people come to Peace Talks and talk about their divorce concerns and situations referencing plot lines from television shows. Being in Los Angeles that makes sense even though it may have nothing to do with the reality outside the studio walls. The messages we get from television about…
Read More →Peace Talks, by definition, gives people the opportunity to talk about everything that is relevant to reaching an amicable agreement. This applies, as well, to all the legal advisors that come to our mediation table. We get to listen to the perspective of the lawyer in many different types of divorce situations representing a wide range of…
Read More →Recently, I’ve been encountering a lot of feedback related to people “rushing” to a divorce, before being informed, as to what needs to be done ahead of time. Here are some of the recurring themes that many therapists and advisors caution about when facing this decision. At Peace Talks we offer discernment counseling to help you…
Read More →Here are a few of the questions that come up most often when people are their evaluating their options in relation to the divorce process. If you have some questions about your own situation please contact the office anytime. How can I avoid going to court? If you use a mediation service the court will…
Read More →Divorce isn’t a failure, therapists say. In fact, it could mean the marriage was a success. The overwhelming feeling of failureis almost impossible to avoid when divorce becomes a reality. We see this even in mediation where both parties are in agreement and it is, of course, worse for those in long litigations. The difficulties…
Read More →These two terms are being tossed around a lot as people prepare to meet the December 31st deadline for divorce related paperwork and try to avoid going to court. I’ve left a link to an article by Armita Azad from Mediate.com that gives a clear, concise look at the differences between the two from the…
Read More →Every now and then even a “general” survey can be of use for a “specific” purpose. Dr. Grande highlights four common stress sources, from the Harris Interactive survey, for couples today and two of them are about sex. The other two are about money, (surprise! surprise!), making it and spending it. There is no delineation…
Read More →I came across this exchange with Jim Tankersley who covers economic and tax policy for The New York Times and Ailsa Chang from NPR. Jim gives a nice summary of the dynamics involved that are driving financial advisors to get a strategy in place for all their clients that are party to a divorce settlement before…
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At Peace Talks we have been doing a lot of “coaching” with the overwhelming process of divorce, from divorcing parents and premaritals as well as legal and psychological practitioners. Here’s a description of “Divorce Coaching” from the American Bar Association: “Divorce coaching is a flexible, goal-oriented process designed to support, motivate, and guide people going…
Read More →by Stephanie Maloney Since I get reminded on a daily basis of why a lot of moms are finding it harder to celebrate things sometimes this seemed a bright piece of news. If these bills actually make progress I will pass along the word on what we can do to support their passage. Enjoy the…
Read More →by Stephanie Maloney Co-parenting is tough enough without having to wonder if you’re one text away from that phone call from the Highway Patrol. Nobody wants to be the cop in the family even when it makes sense to everybody else. We all abuse the privilege of using the phone while driving so it’s tough…
Read More →by Stephanie Maloney Here it is again that time to start getting out and planning out some “away from the house” time. It seems to get tougher each year so we have to get more creative. Actual vacations involving travel are kind of a special event category and require detailed coordination never mind extraordinary cooperation.…
Read More →by Stephanie Maloney Every family that I interact with has difficulty creating and managing their time together. By definition, Divorce creates two entities from one source. With our technology, it sounds crazy to admit that we have trouble connecting with each other but that is the reality for a lot of people. This is all…
Read More →by Stephanie Maloney Imagine Frances McDormand outside your house of white with 500,000 walking, breathing, two-legged billboards demanding action about the killing of her child. Apparently, if all politics are local, then all school shootings are now personal. Isn’t it about time we all find some unifying spirit through these kids for actually doing something…
Read More →by Stephanie Maloney As we finally are getting some much-needed rain I keep thinking about things, besides the social and political black holes, that are ripe for clean up. With a clearer picture of your finances under the new tax laws it’s probably not a bad idea to get an overview from your advisors about…
Read More →by Stephanie Maloney Every year around “Tax Time” consumers, across the board, get hit with opportunities to “turn that refund into a lot of money” and this year some of it is coming a “Bit Coin” at a time. Scams that have historically targeted retirees, widows and widowers are now bleeding out to include the…
Read More →by Stephanie Maloney The more I read about how little time people have for things they’d like to do the question remains about how to make time for things they need to do. That always brings me around to creating opportunities for a friendly exchange of information in a relaxed setting. What we’re talking about…
Read More →by Stephanie Maloney Even if you don’t have “Olympic Fever” there are always some great moments worth watching. Because I skated competitively growing up in Minnesota I’m reminded how important teamwork is to even the individualevents. The research and planning that are part of the preparation process involve many people and have a lot to do with the final results.…
Read More →Recently Abu Dhabi broke from centuries of tradition and decided to allow non-Muslim expatriates to pursue a divorce through faith-based mediation. Though not a mirror image to western secular mediation, as we know it, it’s another testimonial to the need for a short, less costly path to a mutually satisfying agreement. The protection of the…
Read More →Back in June there was a news story about Richard Williams, the father of Venus & Serena, seeking to evict his estranged wife from their Florida home. A few days ago the lawyer, Sandy Becher, for the wife spoke about the upcoming divorce in terms of new approach. “What’s next is we’ll take depositions of…
Read More →by Alison Marcelino and Stephanie Maloney As part of the Conscious Uncoupling training, we attended a lecture given by Judy Waters, MFT, discussing “Healing Breakup Trauma.” In her talk, Ms. Waters explains how a break up can “live” in our body. If we have had childhood abandonment issues, a breakup will stimulate those early wounds.…
Read More →You have decided your marriage is not working out. You want to divorce, but your friends have told you horror stories about dragging your divorce through the court system. You remember reading an article about Gwyneth Paltrow’s “conscious uncoupling” and her decision to use mediation instead of litigation. Where do you turn?? To collaborative divorce…
Read More →Congratulations! You are considering mediation as the process for resolving your divorce. In contrast to litigation, mediation is the sane, efficient and cost effective way to work through your potentially difficult issues and preserve your family relationships. At Peace Talks, we use the “Team Mediation” approach and we want to share with you why this…
Read More →Uncontested Divorce in California is becoming more and more common. As more people embrace the idea of mediation, collaborative divorce, and even settling things themselves without going to court, more and more divorces are uncontested. It makes sense when you think about it: Courts…
Read More →TRUTH IS IRRELEVANT All the time. Not just for mediators, and not just for ADR Services. When we think of disputes, most people think that ascertaining the truth is the key to the resolution of a disagreement. Find the truth, and you have the resolution to the conflict. Yet how many of us see “the…
Read More →There are huge advantages when you mediate your divorce, family law, custody, child support, alimony, spousal support or modification. If you’ve spent any time at all on our web site, you already know how passionate we are about mediation and its benefits. We saw a new couple this week for mediation. They’d already spent about…
Read More →There are 8 peace practices which are free and easy to practice every day. They’ll help you stay sane no matter what, and we all know that sanity is at a premium at the moment. An excerpt from the 8 Peace Practices chapter of Making Divorce Work, our latest book, was published by Mediate.com. Click…
Read More →As a family law mediator who mediates premarital agreements and prenuptial agreements, I’m often asked: What does a prenup look like? Do you have a sample? I’d love to be able to give out a generic sample prenup, but there really is no such thing. Prenups are as individual as the couples themselves (isn’t this…
Read More →The path to uncontested divorce in California, or anywhere else, is not always an easy one. Let’s face it, the thought of divorce can be pretty upsetting, scary, sad and everything in between. So sometimes divorces start with a bang–intimidating court paperwork which is sometimes served on the other party (who may be unsuspecting) in…
Read More →I’ve been a divorce lawyer for 22 years (youthful appearance notwithstanding!) and I’ve learned a lot about what works and what does not work when you’re getting divorced. I also got divorced myself. That was a big lesson, too. Thankfully it was on the “what works” list as opposed to the “what doesn’t work” list.…
Read More →An accountant is helping one of our clients with some of the required financial documents for the divorce. “I don’t want to ruin your strategy,” he says, “but I really think the [other party] ought to know about this.” Strategy? How’s this for “strategy?” How’s about you do whatever is necessary to help people reach…
Read More →We see a lot of grandstanding in mediation. I think a lot of clients think they’re going to get To Kill a Mockingbird Atticus Finch style attention in court. The sad truth is, however, that if you get 10 minutes you’re lucky. I know you don’t believe me. Nobody does until they actually spend the…
Read More →For those of you who’ve found this blog, but not the Making Divorce Work blog, I actually maintain 2 blogs. This one, the Peace Talks blog, is pretty straightforward. Mostly mediation and legal information and advice, in a sort of op-ed type format. The 2nd blog is much more personal. I’ve found that as a…
Read More →At what price sanity? I’m no stranger to divorce during bad financial times. I was admitted to the bar in 1988, during a huge financial downturn. Pretty quickly after that, there was a huge mortgage meltdown, sort of like what’s happening now, and everyone’s house was upside down (they owed more than it was worth).…
Read More →Divorce and Graphotherapy Guest blog post by Sheila Lowe, MS www.sheilalowe.com Divorce sucks. No point denying it. Whether you’ve grown to hate the person you once loved or the parting is amicable, when it comes to ending it all, you still have to grieve for the hopes and dreams you once shared. It’s stressful, it’s…
Read More →California has its own personality with divorce. One of only 9 states that follows Community Property law, California seems intent on doing things its own way. But a divorce in California doesn’t need to be complicated. At least not the legal part. Mediation provides a way for couples to get divorced in a respectful, thoughtful…
Read More →Shared Custody Schedules. When you’ve been married you’ve been parenting together, the idea of seeing your kids on a schedule probably seems pretty foreign. It’s a divorce and separation reality, however. There are a few things to keep in mind to help you be successful at shared, cooperative co-parenting: It will take some time for…
Read More →In response to the recession, Peace Talks now offers a couple of new services for low cost divorce and uncontested divorce California. I hope you’ll keep us in mind if you come across couples needing either of the following, or if you need these kinds of services yourself: 1) $995 paperwork only service: for couples…
Read More →What Causes Divorce? You hear a lot about the reasons marriages end. Usually, fingers point to affairs or money. But marriages don’t end because of events. In 23 years of practice, we have found that divorce occurs when a couple has turned from one another and looked for satisfaction outside of the marriage.…
Read More →Mediation Training: Family Law Here at Peace Talks we get a lot of questions about how to become a mediator. For the full story, here’s a link to the “how to become a mediator” blog post. We also offer a mediation training program. It’s a 25 hour program on DVD. It also comes with a…
Read More →There’s often a lot of grandstanding in divorce court proceedings. A lot of people say, “I’ll see you in court!” not knowing exactly what that means. In the moment, they don’t like what they’re hearing, whether it’s in mediation or around the kitchen table, so they say, I’m done with this!” not realizing that saying “no”…
Read More →Putting a price on sanity? There have been so many articles on people who aren’t getting divorced because they “can’t afford it” that it’s making me a little alarmed. The monetary cost of divorce is one thing. Certainly, divorce mediation is a less costly alternative to fighting it out in court, especially when finances are…
Read More →Divorce in California Divorce law varies state-to-state, and California has the distinction of being one of 9 states that have enacted a Community Property law. As a divorce lawyer in Los Angeles, this actually simplifies things (at least initially) because California follows the 50/50 rule. Partners each get 50% of their collective property from the…
Read More →Setting Clear Boundaries Often, your marital or domestic situation does not meet the level of serious violence where you have to flee, but you are subject to consistent intimidation or abuse. These actions are also a form of violence or battering, and also an indication of the deterioration in your relationship. Understand that when you…
Read More →Well, there’s really no improvements on divorce and custody litigation. But mediation is definitely a better way to go. Less costly, faster, confidential, on your schedule, tailored to your needs….the benefits of mediation are pretty clear. When you mediate your divorce, family law, custody, child support, alimony, spousal support or modification issue you don’t have…
Read More →I know it’s an oxymoron: nobody wants a divorce, so how could one be good? But when you’re faced with divorce, you have lots of opportunties to make it less bad (if not actually good, at least in the long run, in hindsight). I’ve been a divorce lawyer for 24 years, and expert on what…
Read More →The TRUTH IS IRRELEVANT IN DIVORCE. I know that sounds like crazy talk. But think about it this way: When we think of disputes, most of us think that the truth is the key to the resolution of any disagreement. Get to the truth, and you have the resolution to the conflict. Yet, despite the…
Read More →Kids and Custody Do you remember being a kid? At my age it’s a little blurry, but I can tell you that adults often misunderstand how kids behave and think. Children are often smarter and more creative than we give them credit for. As a toddler I distinctly remember being able to understand that my…
Read More →What Causes Divorce? When thinking about how marriages end, people often look towards distinct events like affairs or money-related problems. What we’ve found in our 20+ years of experience is that typically this is not the case. Divorces follow a more basic form of separation: when partners turn away from one another to seek gratification…
Read More →There are eight peace practices which are free and easy to stick to every day. They’ll help you stay sane no matter what, and we all know that sanity is at a premium at the moment of any divorce. An excerpt from the 8 Peace Practices chapter of Making Divorce Work, our comprehensive book on cooperative…
Read More →I know. It’s an oxymoron–nobody wants a divorce to begin with, so how could a divorce be good? There are a lot of ways to make the best of the situation when you’re faced with a divorce. I’ve been a divorce lawyer for 22 years, and expert on what works best for both parties when…
Read More →Divorce Advice I Give My Friends I’ve been a divorce attorney for 24 years (youthful appearance notwithstanding). As yo might guess, every single one of my friends (including Facebook friends) ask me for my advice when getting divorced. I’ve written a couple of books about divorce, and that’s where the official advice is. This is…
Read More →Choosing the right mediator is important. You’re going to be talking with your mediator about everything you care anything about in the entire world: Your future, your kids, your home, your job…..and so you want to choose someone you feel comfortable with. Mediators are all trained in basically the same way, but each person has a different…
Read More →You Want an Uncontested Divorce….but how do you get there? The concept of divorce mediation is relatively new, but recently it has been getting a lot more attention. Especially in Los Angeles, more and more people are starting to appreciate the benefits of an uncontested divorce. Collaborative divorce and other divorce alternatives, once considered fringe,…
Read More →I get asked a lot about Child Custody. It’s not surprising, since a parent’s love for their children is bigger than any financial settlement. Oftentimes, a parent feels that getting more time with the child is worth more than any divorce settlement can buy. Unfortunately, as a mediator specializing in divorce and child custody here…
Read More →Here at Peace Talks, we love Mediation. If you’ve spent any time looking through our site and blog posts, you know that already. It’s an easy sell, because, to us, it’s a no-brainer. Just look at a recent example: one couple came into our Los Angeles office looking to get a divorce settlement through mediation. …
Read More →Truth is a beloved institution. It’s the cornerstone of our legal system. “The Truth of the Matter.” “The Whole Truth, and Nothing But the Truth.” “I Want the Truth,” says Tom Cruise to a defiant Jack Nicholson. “You Can’t Handle The Truth,” he snorts back. This exchange from the movie A Few Good Men“helps to…
Read More →If you’re reading this, you’re probably not in such a good place right now. However it happens, realizing that your marriage doesn’t make you happy and that something has to change is a tough spot. You might be early on in the process. Or maybe you’re not looking forward to doing battle with your…
Read More →You never thought it would happen to you, yet here you are faced with divorce. Maybe you asked for the divorce. Maybe you’re the one who is being left. Even if it is something you and your spouse both want equally, you are facing a crisis. You may be wondering why we’re talking about resolving…
Read More →A Closer Look at Resolving Divorce Conflict Key 2: Understand that Acknowledging and Listening are NOT the same as Obeying You may be tempted to issue decrees as you deal with your spouse over your divorce. It might seem a whole lot easier to lay down the law and have those around you adhere…
Read More →A Closer Look at Resolving Divorce Conflict Key 3: Use I-Statements When you’ve spent the better part of your working life mediating and finding peaceful resolutions to conflicts, you begin to see patterns of both conflict and resolution. In our divorce mediation practice, we’re big fans of “I” statements. “I” statements are conflict resolution magic.…
Read More →A Closer Look at Resolving Divorce Conflict Key 4: Give the Benefit of the Doubt. It’s hard to say which of these keys to resolving conflict we like the most. They have all become repeatedly handy with our clients. Before, during and after your divorce, you’re going to have lots of opportunities to test your…
Read More →A Divorce Mission Statement Have you thought about how you want your divorce to go? What’s your ideal resolution? Do you see a clear winner or loser? Divorce is one of those areas where the questions you have now will almost always lead to even more questions. One thing you can do to exercise control…
Read More →Peace of Mind Collaborative and the Los Angeles Collaborative Family Law Association are pleased to present a community-based series of Divorce Options
Read More →Streamlined Collaborative Practice Protocols Training June 6-8, 2013 Skirball Center Los Angeles, CA The Marina Collaborative Divorce Practice Group along with Co-Sponsor, the Southern California Mediation Association, are excited to announce our upcoming Three-Day Collaborative Practice Training June 6-8, 2013 in Los Angeles, California at the beautiful Skirball Center. Why this training is different: This…
Read More →My mother is dying of cancer. Yes, this is Diana Mercer, founder of Peace Talks Mediation Services, Inc., talking. She’s had cancer for 10 years but has been mercifully symptom-free. But now it’s in her liver and in her lungs. I got lucky. My parents updated their estate plan 6 months ago, before we understood…
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